Bashing One Out

No no no no… you filthy bastards.

I am not doing what you think. I am not a one armed typist regardless of what some might say.

I thought, as I have nothing to do at this particular moment that I’d come and randomly post something on whatever comes into my head. You must appreciate the fact that this could be quite surreal.

I know! I’ll write about what the rest of this week is going to bring for me. I can do this because I am psychic now.

Tomorrow

This will be a great day. Work will ring me to say there is no need to come in for rest of the week. I am their best and they can’t risk exhausting me by sending me out on “emergency calls”.

Then after I put the phone down I will drive to the local Tesco and pick me up a copy of Aliens Vs Predator for my xbox360.

Drive home.

Insert disc into xbox360.

Secure and arrange a massive pile of munchy food and a cup of tea.

Spend twenty minutes trying to decide which character to play. The Alien? Could do, but lack of a gun would make me wish I had a gun. Marine? Yeah right. So I get munched by an Alien or have my skull ripped out by a predator? Gay marines. That leaves Predator then. Or as I call him El Diablo Coolio.

Tuesday

Leave house and secure more munchy food.

Play Aliens Vs Predator a bit…

Go to bed after playing a bit. Say about Midnight then.

Wednesday

Get up and go check the xbox is still there and working correctly.

Maybe go out at lunch time to secure munchy foods.

Come back and make cup of tea.

Assess Aliens Vs Predator’s ability to be played hard.

Thursday

Might go online and see if anyone wants to play Aliens Vs Predator.

Drink tea.

Friday

Discover Wednesdays lottery ticket. It’s a winner!

Celebrate with tea.

Call up work and tell them I will longer be coming back as I am now a full time Predator.

Saturday

Do some writing. I really should do this. Perhaps I shall instead keep a log of my best kills throughout the week? If I was really good…

Because I am so freaking good, I shall write a guide to any nOOb predators out there. They will read it an be in awe of my amazingness. Yes that is a word. Its predator speak and translates as Fucking Awesome.

Sunday

I doubt I will be able to play this day as Jemma may rip my sack off like a paper towel. Instead I shall likely stalk the house like a predator and hunt the cat. I even have my own laser pen! I could point it from odd angles and leap out from behind stuff. She better not give away my hiding places…

‘I don’t care who you are back in the world. You give our position one more time, I’ll bleed you, real quiet . . . leave you here.’

She’ll just have to accept it as the new me. I’ll not have her saying anything about my predator costume again either.

Sounds like a pretty awesome week to me.

Face it, you’ll probably not have as much fun as me this week.

M 🙂