Run for your life! (Yeah Right)


I went for a run tonight. I have not been for a run in a long time. As a rule I don’t tend to do anything that requires more effort than getting out of bed, yet…

*Sigh*

… we must support the one we love. Argh, who am I kidding? She challenged me okay?!

I have been feeling a little tubby for a while now. Worse still is my increasing reliance on things like bannisters and er… chairs. I get short of breath just taking a shit sometimes. So when Jemma (who is much fitter than me) threw down the gauntlet I decided that…

A) Hey! I’m a man right? And you Jem, well you’re just a girl. That’s right… GIRL.

B) It’s a fact that men are better at sports than women. It’s true. The bible said so anyway. It’s true, just read this…

As regards the individual nature, woman is defective and misbegotten, for the active power of the male seed tends to the production of a perfect likeness in the masculine sex; while the production of a woman comes from defect in the active power….” Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologica,Q92, art. 1, Reply Obj. 1

C) Okay, joking aside I think I actually need to do this, for my health or something important like that. I mean I’m not getting any fitter sitting in my chair of power downstairs, despite the fact that this morning I levelled up again. I am now a level 26 battle mage, bitch! I’m like a god now, and your just a salesman or a bin man.

D) Yeah… who am I kidding.

So, like I said I went for a run tonight. We ran the equivalent of three laps of the local sports field.

I feel like death.

My legs are so angry with me. They refuse to support me.

My spine is even screaming for blood. It wants to coil up on itself, forcing me to snap in the middle. My fat gut will protect me though.

My chest is the worst though. I feel like I ran around that field with my head inside a bag of fibreglass.

Jemma wants to go again on Tuesday.

I can’t wait.

M.

Author: Mark S Thompson

Okay, so these things are kind of hit and miss. If you’re reading this then I am thankful to you for taking the time out of your day to do so. I’ll be honest, when I think of myself as a writer, I kinda cringe. Don’t get me wrong, it is the dream, it's​ just I never really believe it will go anywhere. When I think back to the day that I first knew I loved writing, and I mean really knew, I see myself sitting in an English lesson at secondary school. The school was called Wrotham and is in the county of Kent, England. As far as I know, it's still there. English was far and away my favourite subject. The best bit was when the teacher gave the class a selection of words and asked us to make up a story that either contained those words or was about those words, you know. At other times we would be given the first sentence and then write what happens next. Good times. Many times my work would reflect what I had recently read and it would be okay. Nothing special, just okay. On one occasion though I wrote about a merman called Finchy and can remember going into so much depth and detail about him and the underwater kingdom he lived in. I really enjoyed writing that and it must have shown because my teacher commented on it. She was really impressed and loved the story. That was it for me, my moment. Now when I write I think back to those great times and to that story. Hopefully, I’ll write something that you, the reader, will be moved to comment on. For me, there is no greater elixir

One thought on “Run for your life! (Yeah Right)”

  1. Running? A mug’s game, I hate it with a passion. When I was in the mob we had the Battle Fitness Test (BFT) and the Combat Fitness Test (CFT) which we had to pass every year. The BFT is only 3 miles, first mile and a half in exactly 15 minutes in a squad, then best effort back for the second mile and a half. Anyone under thirty had 11 minutes to get back….and this isn’t in running kit, it’s boots and combat gear.

    I won’t mention the CFT cos just thinking about it makes me want to go and lie down.

    Don’t let me put you off….if you keep it up then in a week or so you’ll zoom round that field in half the time and barely break sweat. (Then you have to run further, faster, and carry some weights to get the same effect…..bit like the CFT, really)

    Like

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