That darn barn…

Me again!

Surprised? Well you shouldn’t be, I mean it’s my blog isn’t it? Dumbass.

The barn project is really starting to do my nut in. When we started, it seemed to me to be a wonderful idea. It’s a very intimate location after all, and it means a lot to us. Yet I don’t think either of us had any idea what we were letting ourselves in for. At least I’ve got this blog thing to thrash out my frustration on.

I planned to start this wedding thread with pics of the barn as it was before we started. Yet that didn’t really happen, and instead I posted pics after we had already started. You can check out that post here.

I will do a kind of timeline post eventually showing the various stages of development but for now you’ll just have to be content with me rambling.

The thing is, I thought it was the sheer volume of mess that would be the difficult part. You couldn’t even see the floor for junk when we started. Where the hell were we going to put all of that? You simply cannot imagine the amount of rubbish that has come out of that barn. Fucking decades of shit.

(On a slightly positive note, we put some of that old shit on eBay and made a tidy penny.)

Here is a list of just some of the crap we’ve found in the barn.

  • A double bed, complete with frame and mattress
  • Two dressing tables
  • A bookcase
  • A car (Yes, an actual car)
  • A caravan (again…yes)
  • Three complete sets of china dishes, plates & cups
  • Approximately eight chairs of various different sizes and design
  • Roughly two hundred books
  • A dozen plant pots (not plastic shit either)
  • A treadmill
  • Two bedside cabinets
  • A trailer
  • A tractors wheel complete with tyre (Have you any idea how big that is?)
  • A hole. A fucking big hole. A diameter of maybe five feet. Perhaps four feet deep and filled with water. Stagnant sticking water.
  • A TV
  • A Microwave
  • Three generations of children’s toys. Thats a fuck load of toys.
  • About a ton of bricks and masonry.

And we’re about half way.

This stuff isn’t too bad though. The hard part is finding somewhere for it all to go.

Yet this is all dull dull dull.

What’s really yanked my crank today is the utilities. For this project to work, not only does the barn need to be empty and clean (eat your food of the floor clean), it also needs power, and a water supply.

I tested the water with Jemma about maybe not bothering with electric and going like… really rustic and ye olde and having candles everywhere. She shat all over that idea.

And water? We don’t need that do we? I mean I’ve secured us maybe four hundred pints of booze and a boatload of wine and spirits. What the hell do we need water for? Ahhh… the caterers need it do they? Really?

What?! They want a new fucking sink too?

… the pipe work? What’s wrong with the pipes? They want new ones?


…No, I haven’t forgot the enormous hole your mum almost fell in either.

Well hey, if I ever get this done, and be assured I am taking pics the whole way through, I am going to make an album. The album, will be situated by the bar, and will be a written and visual record of the barn project for all to view on the day.

I will expect much praise, a few toasts, and perhaps a small statue erected in my name.

Right, I’ve jabbed on long enough now, and you’ve likely stopped doing whatever it is you should be doing too. So I suggest you sod off. I’m not in the mood to rant anymore.

M 😦

Author: Mark S Thompson

Okay, so these things are kind of hit and miss. If you’re reading this then I am thankful to you for taking the time out of your day to do so. I’ll be honest, when I think of myself as a writer, I kinda cringe. Don’t get me wrong, it is the dream, it's​ just I never really believe it will go anywhere. When I think back to the day that I first knew I loved writing, and I mean really knew, I see myself sitting in an English lesson at secondary school. The school was called Wrotham and is in the county of Kent, England. As far as I know, it's still there. English was far and away my favourite subject. The best bit was when the teacher gave the class a selection of words and asked us to make up a story that either contained those words or was about those words, you know. At other times we would be given the first sentence and then write what happens next. Good times. Many times my work would reflect what I had recently read and it would be okay. Nothing special, just okay. On one occasion though I wrote about a merman called Finchy and can remember going into so much depth and detail about him and the underwater kingdom he lived in. I really enjoyed writing that and it must have shown because my teacher commented on it. She was really impressed and loved the story. That was it for me, my moment. Now when I write I think back to those great times and to that story. Hopefully, I’ll write something that you, the reader, will be moved to comment on. For me, there is no greater elixir

One thought on “That darn barn…”

  1. I know you can’t see it, but I’ve got my ‘told you so!!’ face one…… but thats not very helpful, so I’ll wind that one in a little.

    It’s a big job (fnarr fnarr) but I’m sure you’ll get it cracked, mainly because, well, its just *got* to be done, hasn’t it? The wedding is looming on the horizon, so maybe you could use a little help? I’m pretty sure I could get a couple of days off, if you need something lifting or whatever.

    Speak to you soon. By the way, I *love* the idea of keeping a visual record of it all. That’ll be a talking point for generations.


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